One of the common objections to the pro-life position is that if the child in the womb is born, he or she may have a terrible life. Therefore, it would be better if the child was never born. People will say things like, “Think about the life the baby will have,” or “If I bring a child into this world, they’ll have a terrible life.” While any mother should be concerned with the type of life their child will have, the quality of one’s life doesn’t determine his or her value.
I’m a living example of someone who falls into this category of “should have been aborted” because of the life I had – but I’m thankful I’m here.
My Upbringing
I grew up in a single parent household and in low income housing. Most of my friends didn’t have fathers, and our mothers raised us while working full time jobs. The life I had was far from a “good” life. My mom became pregnant with me at 19 and the man whom she conceived me with, my biological father, was dating another woman without my mother’s knowledge and got her pregnant as well. My mom found out before I was born and they broke up. Shortly after I was born, my biological father left, leaving my mom to raise me on her own.
My mom had two major boyfriends. The first is the father of my three younger brothers, and the other is a more long term boyfriend. I was very young when she dated my brothers’ father, but I remember numerous instances of physical abuse and hatred from him. The other boyfriend was abusive as well. He would verbally abuse all of us, calling us names that I won’t repeat here. He was also physically abusive. I remember a time when I was around eight or nine years old and I was doing something that got me in trouble. He came into my room and I said something disrespectful to him and he ended up putting his hand over my nose and mouth. The next thing I remember is waking up and crying to my mom.
There were many other instances of abuse, but the final instance was when I was a freshman in high school. He hit my mom and as a result my brothers and I jumped in to help her. My mom broke up the fight and it ended with him threatening to kill me.
Our home life was also very unstable. My mom worked a full-time job and overtime when offered, but she only made about $24,000 a year. Making that much with 4 kids and living in New Jersey isn’t doable. Because of that, paying rent was a struggle and we were homeless three times growing up. We lived in different motels and sometimes stayed with our grandparents, while my mom continuously worked as hard as she could.
On top of all of the home stress, I was bullied in school. Starting in seventh grade, I was bullied because I was overweight. Eighth grade got even worse, and kids would openly make fun of me in front of teachers. Nothing was done to help me. The days were very hard, and as a result I became suicidal. I remember one day, after being bullied, then coming home and dealing with everything going on in my home life, I took a knife and held it to my chest. I wanted to die, but I couldn’t bring myself to take my life. I continuously thought about taking my life, until June 14th of my eighth grade year.
The Day My Life Changed
I walked into school like usual and was told one of my friends, Tim, had committed suicide the night before. I didn’t believe the person who told me, but later that day the school guidance counselor called me into her office along with some of my other friends and confirmed the horrible news. I was numb at first, and made it through half of the day, then after lunch was when it hit me and I lost it. I cried for hours with the rest of my 8th grade class.
In the midst of this, I remember one of my teachers telling me that I needed to go to God – only He could make this better. Sadly, I didn’t take his advice. That year led me down a path of pursuing sex, alcohol, and weed to assuage my pain. I went on feeling empty until November 24, 2014. I was 21 years old and had become an alcoholic at that point. But on that day, my life changed. I came to faith in Jesus Christ.
One of the few blessings of my childhood was going to church. I went almost every Sunday and to youth group nearly every week. I heard the gospel constantly and though I would have said I was a Christian, I wasn’t because I rejected the gospel. My life proved that. But on that day in November, everything changed. It was Thanksgiving and I was upstairs in my room drinking my pain away, but I fell to the ground and cried out to Jesus saying “Jesus, I’m done fighting you. I’m ready to follow you and live for you.” All those years in church and all those times hearing the gospel came to mind in that moment and that was when I finally believed the gospel. I dedicated my life to following Christ. All of the pain and sorrow I had felt, I gave it all to him and from that moment he led me to a church where I was discipled.
I grew in my faith and eventually got connected with someone at the church who helped me get into college. I graduated with my B.S. in Pastoral Ministries. While in college I met the woman who would later become my wife. I have finished up my M.A. in Ethics and Public Theology and I start doctoral studies in the Fall. The Lord has blessed my wife and I with two amazing girls as well.
All Life Has Value – Even When It’s Hard
As I reflect back on everything I have gone through, I’m thankful my mother never aborted me. I’m also thankful I never took my life. Life is a precious gift from God and I wouldn’t be where I am now if either of those things had happened.
So, to those who may be worried about the life that their children will have, and who may even be considering having an abortion: one’s quality of life doesn’t determine the value of their life. You also don’t know the life your child will have. My mom chose life, and while I had a very hard childhood, my childhood didn’t determine my life. The same is true for everyone else.
You may have a rough life, and maybe you’re reading this and you still have a rough life. My encouragement to you is that the life you have now isn’t the life you will have in the future. As long as you’re alive, there is always time to give your kids a better life and better your own life. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t point you to the One who gives life.
I had a rough childhood, but my greatest need wasn’t a better childhood or better circumstances. My greatest need was the redemption of my soul. While in many ways I was a victim, I was also an enemy of God. I lived my life in complete rebellion against God, just like everyone else who doesn’t follow Christ. Because of that, I deserved hell.
But God in His love doesn’t condemn me or any of my brothers and sisters in Christ. Instead, he sent His Son to take our penalty and the penalty of every other believer on the cross. Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and three days later he rose from the dead. Anyone who puts their faith in Jesus and repents of their sin will be saved. Their sins will be forgiven and they will have a relationship with God. They will know true life.
So, choose life. Be like my mom, who decided to keep my brothers and me in spite of our circumstances. Come to know Jesus, the One who gives eternal life and the redemption of our souls.