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Posts Categorized / Adoption

  • Oct 23 / 2013
  • 4
Abortion, Adoption, Pro-life, Sidewalk Counseling Ministry

I regret my abortion

It’s Saturday, October 19. It’s almost time to pack up ministry for the morning. All the girls are inside awaiting their procedures. One has walked out and left, saving her baby, to God be the glory! It’s raining pretty heavily as I walk up to Jason on the sidewalk. There are two escorts standing and chatting at the corner. I jokingly ask him if he is trying to avoid a shower later, standing directly in the rain like that. He tells me that the escorts have discussed a piece of my testimony, which I had shared with a couple of young ladies as they were walking toward the clinic. My hope was that these girls, both looking to be in their early twenties, would hear the pain they were setting themselves up for and change their minds about ending the lives of their unborn babies. I shared with them as many small bits and details of my story that I could fit in as we walked down the sidewalk. Mostly, I wanted them to know how I regretted my choice to abort my child and that God loves them and their babies so much that he would make a way for them to either keep and raise them or place them in a home with a loving family through adoption. “Women don’t regret abortion. No one regrets an abortion after they have had one,” is the conclusion these two escorts, both women, have come to. I look over at them, I look back at Jason, and I say, “Someone regrets their abortion. I regret my abortion.”

When I arrive home from the clinic I plant myself in front of my laptop and type “do women regret abortion?” into the search engine. I have researched this before, so I already know what I will find. All of the top results come from pro-choice sites and they say that women do not regret abortion. It breaks my heart to see how Satan has used these sites to lie women and make them believe their unborn children are only clumps of tissue, masses of cells. They tell them it’s a simple medical procedure and they will be able to continue their lives as if nothing ever happened, as soon as its over. They do not tell them that their babies had heartbeats just 18 days after conception and brain waves after the 6th week of pregnancy. They fail to tell them about the sadness they may feel after their children are ripped from their wombs. They don’t tell them that the date of their children’s death may be forever burned into their memories or that, even years later, they might wonder “what if I had chosen life?”.

I decide to change it up a little and I type “I regret my abortion” into the engine. Two seconds later my screen is filled with account after account and testimony after testimony of women who regret their abortions. A twenty year old lady said, “I cried and cried until I had nothing left in me but it wasn’t enough to bring my baby back to me.” Another said “ Its been 4 months now, and it still hurts like it was yesterday.” If that cannot be called regret, I’m not sure what can be. The stories of these young ladies and others like them can be found at http://www.gargaro.com/regrets.html, but there are thousands more that will pop up if you search “I regret my abortion”, showing that women do indeed regret abortion.

As for me, I was 18 years old, a few weeks from turning 19. I worked at Taco Bell. I had a 16 month old son and we lived with my parents, but they were preparing to move out of state and I would be moving in with my boyfriend. I was a party girl. I drank often and used various drugs like marijuana, cocaine, and LSD. I learned I was pregnant when I went to the health department to get on birth control. I was scared to tell anyone that I had done this again, after already having a baby at the age of 17. I waited a couple of weeks, delusional that it would just go away or that I could will it away, before I told my family and my boyfriend. The immediate response from everyone was abortion. “What in the world are you going to do with another baby? You can’t do this alone. You’ve been partying, the baby will be born sick or with disabilities. I will leave you if you have and keep this baby.” Those were the kinds of things I was hearing from my parents and boyfriend. At this point, I saw no other option and chose to go through with the abortion. My heart was heavy. Despite what doctors and nurses were saying, I knew this was a baby growing in my womb, a human life, but I continued on with the abortion. I thought I would get used to the idea, get over it. There was no way around this. The regret came immediately after I awoke from a surgical abortion. I remember thinking “I was pregnant when they put me to sleep an now I’m not…but I don’t have a baby.” I was unable to forgive myself until I met and fell in love with Jesus about 14 years later. Through his grace and mercy alone, I am forgiven and by having faith in his forgiveness, I was able to let go of the self hate I had harboured from this for so many years. I know that he is not dwelling on my sins, so I shouldn’t either. God’s forgiveness and forgiving myself have not taken the regret away. Through Jesus, I have found healing for the wounds, but that does not extinguish memories and regrets. My baby was due to be born on September 26, 1998. He would be 15 years old today, a sophomore in high school. I wonder what he would have been like. Would he look like me? I wish I could have held him. I find comfort in knowing I will meet my baby in heaven when the time comes, and we will live together eternally.

Maybe there are some women who have buried their regret after abortion. Maybe some have been lied to so fiercely by the enemy that they never had regrets. In my own personal experience, I can say that there are definitely women who regret their abortions.

  • Oct 20 / 2012
  • 1
Abortion, Adoption, Answers to Hard Questions, Politics

Voddie Baucham on Abortion

The following is an excellent video of Dr. Voddie Baucham, pastor of Grace Family Baptist Church in Houston Texas. In the first few minutes of the interview, he speaks to the issue of abortion in the cases of rape, incest and other difficult circumstances from a very personal vantage point. Many who identify themselves as “pro-life” seem to take a detour at these important junctures, but Dr. Baucham addresses them with clarity and conviction.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VDA8acKNSk

 

  • Feb 04 / 2011
  • 28
Adoption

Rape, Abortion and Adoption: Journal of a Father

A very common scenario that is mentioned when I discuss abortion is the issue of rape. I hear questions like, “How could you expect a woman to bear the child that was conceived in rape?” I have found myself in the last few days in a unique position to address this issue. And I will begin by saying, I hate rape. I hate how it perverts the beauty of sex as God intended it. I hate how it destroys the lives of women and their loved ones. And I hate that a man would ever sin so boldly against God and against another human being.

The uncommon scenario that I found myself in recently began months ago as my wife and I began the adoption process for the second time. The months of paperwork, phone calls, and plans led me to Ethiopia to attend court for the adoption of two children. I write this from my hotel in the capital of Ethiopia, Addis Ababa. In a completely unexpected turn of events, I found myself sitting in front of the mother of one of the children I was just given custody to in an Ethiopian court. She was young, pretty, kind. I was already in tears just talking to the mother of my baby. She gave him the name Spain because he was born on the day that Spain won the World Cup. This unexpected conversation took my tears to sobs as I asked about his father. I was told she did not know the father as she had been raped.

Why was I sobbing? You may think because I was not expecting to have a child who had been born of the result of such a terrible thing. Maybe you think it makes him somehow less worthy to be adopted. You would be wrong. It was actually quite the opposite. Here is a section of my journal that I penned mere minutes after our meeting:

“I asked her about the father and the interpreter told me she did not know who he was, she had been raped. It was quite a blow. A few moments before I knew nothing of my son’s birth. Now I was sitting in front of his mother, a young rape victim…I am so glad we have the opportunity to raise a boy who is one of the neediest. I am so proud of her for doing what was right. I am so sad for her pain. But when she left she seemed happy. Her concern was for her child and now he was being taken care of.”

You see I hate rape, but I do not hate children.  And abortion is not killing rape.  It does not change what has happened nor bring justice for the woman wronged.  Abortion is murder and murder is hatred, hatred against a baby who was innocent in the matter.  Spain is not dirty because his mother was raped.  He is not less of a human nor created less in the image of God (Genesis 1:27).  He is my son.  And I love him.  And I want to raise him, no matter how he was conceived.

Allow our story to challenge you.  Spain’s mother had a lot of options.  I do not know if a ‘legal, safe abortion’ was one of them.  But my other son was abandoned by his mother the day after he was born, a similar death sentence.  Instead, she chose to bring this child to term, to take him to an orphanage, and then to walk through the steps to allow us to adopt him.  Then she met with me, she did not have to do that, she chose to.  And amidst all of the hardship, she was concerned for the life of her child.  And she left happy.

Consider what Paul wrote to the Philippians:

Philippians 2:5-8 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,  but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.  And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

God calls all of us to be like Christ.  And Christ ‘made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant…he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death.’  So, yes.  I do ask a woman who has been raped to bear the child.  Not because I long to force my opinion on others.  But instead because killing the child is wrong.  It is disobedience to God and it is self-seeking.  But oddly enough, this self-seeking action will not bring joy.  Joy comes in obedience, humility, and sacrifice.  I have witnessed this first-person in the life of this young mother.  And it is this joy I wish for all women.

Let us stop assuming that we know what is best for these women and start listening to God.  Let us stop thinking that the death of a child could ever correct the evils of another sin.  Let us stop saying that nine months is too much to ask.  Let us fix our eyes on Christ who gave for us his life.  Let us support women and call them to do what is right.  And let us raise these children as our own.

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